Add your own jokes in the Comments below!
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm wasting my time," she said to her mother.
"I can't read, I can't write - and they won't let me talk!"
On the way home from the first day of school, the father asked his son, "What did you do at school today?"
The little boy shrugged his shoulders and said, "Nothing".
Hoping to draw his son into conversation, the father persisted and said, "Well, did you learn about any numbers, study certain letters, or maybe a particular color?"
The perplexed child looked at his father and said, "Daddy, didn't you go to school when you were a little boy?"
"I can't read, I can't write - and they won't let me talk!"
On the way home from the first day of school, the father asked his son, "What did you do at school today?"
The little boy shrugged his shoulders and said, "Nothing".
Hoping to draw his son into conversation, the father persisted and said, "Well, did you learn about any numbers, study certain letters, or maybe a particular color?"
The perplexed child looked at his father and said, "Daddy, didn't you go to school when you were a little boy?"
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Acid!
Acid who?
Acid down and be quiet!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ada!
Ada who?
Ada burger for lunch!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Adair!
Adair who?
Adair once but I'm bald now!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Adam!
Adam who?
Adam if I do and adam if I don't!
Who's there?
Acid!
Acid who?
Acid down and be quiet!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ada!
Ada who?
Ada burger for lunch!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Adair!
Adair who?
Adair once but I'm bald now!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Adam!
Adam who?
Adam if I do and adam if I don't!
Riddle
Some believe I am inside them.
Some believe I am nothing
Some believe I do amazing things.
Some believe I do nothing.
Some believe they are mates with me.
Some believe I am unreal.
Some believe I am fiction.
Some believe I am fact.
What am I?
Riddle
When you see it you don't use it but when you use it you don't see it.
What is it?
Q. Why is a Chicken like a grape?
ReplyDeleteA. They both have feathers except for the grape!
Q. Whats the difference between a holiday house and a dog?
ReplyDeleteA. One's a little house on the prarie and the other prowls on the hairy!
what do you call a deer with no eyes??
ReplyDeleteno i dear!! :P
what do u call a deer with no eyes and no legs???
still no eye deer
what is blue and is not heavy?
ReplyDeletelight blue
Why did the koala fall out of a tree?
ReplyDeleteHe was dead.
Why did the second koala fall out of a tree?
He was stapled the the first one.
Why did the third koala fall out of a tree?
He thought it was a game.
Why did the fourth koala fall out of a tree?
Peer Pressure.
what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
ReplyDeletei lost my tractor!:P
Two blondes were sitting on a porch in sydney, watching the moon rise. One of the said to the other "whats closer, the moon or melbourne?"
ReplyDeleteand the other one said "duh! the moon. You cant see melbourne from here!
What did the astronuats say when they saw bones on the moon?
ReplyDeleteThe cow didn't make it
why did the monkey cross the road
ReplyDeleteto get the dead chicken LOL
How to abseil
ReplyDeleteBy Eileen Dover
3 girls robbed a back. A blonde, Brunette and a Red Head. The cops were following them and they ran down an alley. There were 3 potato sacks so they hid in them. The police went over and kicked over the first bad with the red head in it. She said woof woof and the cops said alright its a dog. They kicked over the brunettes bag and she said meow so they thought it was a cat. When they kicked over the blondes bag, she said. "Potatoes"
ReplyDeleteThere was a professor who walks in the classroom and welcomes his class and asks if anyone is stupid and if they were, they were to stand up. After about a minute a boy stands up. The professor says to him "Boy do you really think your stupid" then the boy says "No I just didn't want to see you up there all by yourself"
ReplyDeleteRiddle answers:
ReplyDeleteRiddle 1: Nothing?
Riddle 2: Air?
Why did Tigger look inside the toilet
ReplyDelete?????
Because he was looking for Pooh!!!!!
Julie, the blonde, was getting pretty desperate for money. She decided to go to the nicer, richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs as a handy woman.
ReplyDeleteThe first house she came to, a man answered the door and told Julie,"Yeah, I have a job for you. How would you like to paint the porch?"
"Sure that sounds great!" said Julie.
"Well, how much do you want me to pay you?" asked the man.
"Is fifty bucks all right?" Julie asked.
"Yeah, great. You'll find the paint and ladders you'll need in the garage."
The man went back into his house to his wife who had been listening.
"Fifty bucks! Does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?" asked the wife.
"Well, she must, she was standing right on it!" her husband replied.
About 45 minutes later, Julie knocked on the door."I'm all finished," she told the surprised homeowner. The man was amazed.
"You painted the whole porch?"
"Yeah," Julie replied, "I even had some paint left, so I put on two coats!"
The man reached into his wallet to pay Julie. "Oh, and by the way," said Julie, "That's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Knock Knock!
ReplyDeleteWho's there?
Cows go!
Cows go who?
Cows go moo, not who?
a man wanted somebody to wash his front deck. A blonde offered and said i will. After a few hours she said by the way the cars a farari not a porch:P
ReplyDeleteTheres a guy found dead in the bush. He has a broken back, and is wearing scuba diving gear. He has burns, but he is also wet... How did he get there????
ReplyDeleteIf a brunette and a blonde fell of a building, who would land on the ground first??
ReplyDeleteThe brunette - the blonde would have to stop for directions
knock knock
ReplyDeletewhos there?
luke
luke who?
luke thru the key hole & you'll find out! ;D
what do u call a blind dinosaur?
ReplyDeleteanswer: i-dont-think-he-saw-us
how many Dragon ball z characters does it take to change a lightbulb?
ReplyDeleteknock
ReplyDeleteknock
who's there
ip
ipwho say it and it sounds like
poo
What did an mm wanna be when he grew up?
ReplyDeleteA SMARTIE (I JUST GOT THIS FROM THE TEACHER COZ I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO RIGHT:)
one but it takes 3 episodes
ReplyDeleteWhy did the blonde burn her ear????
ReplyDeleteThe phone rang while she was ironing
3 blondes walk into a building,
ReplyDeletedont u think 1 of them would of noticed
A man was on the plane sitting next to a woman. The man asked "Let's play a game. If you i ask you a question you have to give me 5 dollars. But if you ask me a question and i can't answer ill give you a thousand dollars." She accepted and they played the game. The man asked the question and she couldn't answer and she gave him 5 dollars. The woman asked "What does up with four legs and goes down with two?" The man asked his friends, reaserched but he gave up finally. He gave the woman a thousand dollars and asked what was the answer. "I don't know" she said and gave back ten dollars
ReplyDeleteThere was a man who always goes on the 10th level(His not short) but on thurday he went on the 11th floor why did he do this?
ReplyDeletebecause he made a mistake!!!!!!!
whats brown & sticky
ReplyDeletea stick
whats yellow and smells like bananas
monky vomit
whats brown,sticky,yelloy & smells like bananas
monky vomit on a stick
There were three women, a blonde, brunette and a redhead on a stranded island. They decided to swim to civilization. The brunette swam 20 metres, then drowned. the red head swan 60 metres, then drowned. The blonde swam halfway, got tired, then swam back.
ReplyDeletea blonde, ranger and a black haired girls that are bein chased by cops. they get cornerd and jump in bags the black haired jumps in a bags that says dogs. the ranegr in cats. and the blonde in potatoes.
ReplyDeletethe police kick the bag hat says cat and the ranger says meow
the police kick the bag that says dogs and the black haired says woof.
they kick the potatoes bag and the blonde say potatoes!
i dont geddit :(
ReplyDeletelucas
What do you do when you see a spaceman?
ReplyDeletePark your car in it man. :P
why was the tomato red?????
ReplyDeletebecause it saw the salad dressing!!!!
ha ha ha ha
i don't get some of the ones there, where it saids jokes on the humour blog. -_- can NE1 help me? cos they aren't funny, well i don't get em NEway.
ReplyDeletesamantha
a man walked into a bar and said ouch!!!
ReplyDeleteRiddle
ReplyDeleteWhen you see it you don't use it but when you use it you don't see it.
What is it? the stone from harry potter
Heeyy heres a good joke:
ReplyDeleteWhy was 6 scared of 7?
Because 7 8 9!!!
haha
What do you call a ship that sits at the bottom of the ocean and quivers?
ReplyDeleteA nervous wreck
how do you make a hanky dance?
ReplyDeleteyou put a little boogy in it!
Why are pirates pirates?
ReplyDeleteBecause they AAARRRRR
What do you call a cows local cinema?
ReplyDeleteThe Moooooooooooooooooooovies
why are penguins sooo commmon on the internet ?????????????????
ReplyDeletebecasue they have webb feeet :)
there were three people a blonde a rangger and a brown head there were 3 slides and what ever they said when they went down it they landd in it :)
ReplyDeletethe ranger said gold so she landed in a pot of gold
the brown head said sliver and laned in a pot of sliver
and the blonde said weeeeeee
and laned in a pot of wee !
hahahah
lol Celine!! :)
ReplyDeletethat was funny, well i got it.
ReplyDelete:) hahbaha yeahhhhh :) i got a nothor one to :)
ReplyDeletewhat do teddys bear eat ???
stufffed thing :)